That One Time The Doctor Knocked Up Rose Tyler
by scifigeekgirl
Summary: Rose has a bun in the oven. The Doctor is shocked beyond words. Uncle Jack never stops flirting and Jackie is ready to slap the Doctor. Basically, nothing about this is canon. Baby AU for our beloved Nine.


a/n: This story is a collaboration by kelkat9, aintafraidanotghosts and a_who_in_whoville written for our beloved Whovian Sistah, Timelord1 for her birthday today. She is one cool chick who is nothing short of brilliant!

Disclaimer: Nope we don't own any of it.

The Doctor, Rose and Jack stood on the edge of a large, round dark pit in the middle of the jungle surrounded by rebels angry at them for blowing up their encampment. A putrid order wafted from the pit making Rose feel sick. The Doctor looked down into the abyss. "A Stoligart," he said as green vine like tendrils began creeping upward out of the darkness.

Jack looked pale and shifted back away from the edge as far as their captors would allow. "And what's a Stoligart?" Rose asked, swallowing hard, trying not to vomit.

"Macro organism. It's sort of a pit creature. Those tendrils are used to pull in a meal which would be us."

Rose tried to breathe through her mouth to avoid the horrible smell of decay that permeated the air as she listened to him lecture about pit monsters and how fantastic they were. She looked at Jack's worried face and the grim look in the Doctor's eyes and knew things were bad. There was something she had to tell the Doctor but had hesitated not knowing how he would react. Being as they were possibly about to meet their doom, she thought this might be as good as time as any to tell him so when one of the rebels asked about last words, she raised her hand to speak.

"Um Doctor?" she began hesitatingly

He looked at her irritated but curious. "I have to tell you somethin." She bit her lip nervously as the Doctor looked from her to the pit to the rebels and back to her. "Can't it wait? We're a bit busy here," he groused as he calculated the distance across the gaping bit as well as they how fast the rebels would move if they made a run for it."

Rose nodded. "Um, no it really can't wait. You remember Kyoto and that thing we did in the tea garden."

The Doctor looked at her in disbelief. "We aren't talkin' about that now and specially not in front of an audience," he announced, crossed his arms and looked cross. Jack smirked next them, knowing exactly what Rose was referring to. He may not have had the pleasure of being there but he knew the signs and they all pointed toward his companions enjoying a good, long hard shag.

"But Doctor…" Rose tried to continue.

"We're about to die here and I'm not gonna have our last words be about domestics!"

One of the rebels shoved something pointy into their backs. Rose turned and glared. "Oi, not finished with my last words yet!" She turned to the Doctor and shouted "Fine! Be git in front of your unborn child!" she shouted and patted her stomach.

The Doctor's eyes widened and he stared at her stomach and then her face and then her stomach. He opened his mouth and no words came out.

"Congrats you two!" Jack said, looking at the two of them with a huge smile.

One of the rebels stepped forward. "We can't do this! If we kill a pregnant woman, we'll be cursed!" The rebels started to mumble and argue amongst themselves leaving the Doctor, Rose and Jack unguarded.

"You're pregnant!" the Doctor shouted at her, still wide eyed and staring at her stomach.

"Yeah, I am. What you gonna do about it?" Rose retorted.

"Uh guys?" Jack said, trying to get their attention.

"Do about it! Whadda you expect me to do? What do I know 'bout babies?" he said, staring at her stomach.

"Guys?" Jack said louder.

"Well, I expect you to figure it out. You're the big all-knowing Time Lord!" Rose shouted at him.

Finally, Jack stood in between them. "What?" the Doctor snapped and as Jack inclined his head behind them. "Oh," the Doctor acknowledged as he saw their now unguarded state. Rose rolled her eyes and looked down at her stomach. "That's your Dad,' she said and rubbed her stomach.

The Doctor grabbed her hand and shouted "Run!" and they did all the way back to the Tardis and life was never the same for them again.

Rose smiled as she sat in the jump seat remembering that day. It was so them. It hadn't been easy but the Doctor soon came around to the thought of being a father. He'd resisted here and there but underneath, Rose knew he was pleased, especially given all the scans indicated Gallifreyan DNA was dominant so the Doctor may not be exactly the last of his own kind anymore. Of course, he still had his moments of being less than impressive. Rose recalled the day they told her mother. Typical Doctor, he wanted to hide out in the Tardis while Rose delivered the news. Rose had to bribe him to go with her. There was the inevitable slap and Doctor grousing but Rose did negotiate a sort of peace between the two of them. They weren't friends but nor were they enemies which was good enough for Rose.

Baby shopping had also been traumatic. Rose was grateful to Jack who seemed to be taking on the role of "Uncle Jack" with great zest and vigor. Rose giggled when she remembered the look on the Doctor's face when he heard her refer to "Uncle Jack." He was quite put out and may have pouted while banging around under the console muttering about his progeny and the trauma of having an intergalactic playboy as an uncle. Still, he did eventually embrace the oncoming fatherhood. The sight of him holding up a giant Tardis blue teddy while they were looking for baby things would be something Rose would never forget. He had a huge grin on his face and Rose couldn't help the huge hug and snog that followed even if several people in the store shouted for them to get a room. She loved this daft alien and she didn't care what anyone thought. Jack had waylaid the sales person sent to intervene. He and the sales clerk may have ended up in a back room while Rose and the Doctor finished shopping.

Even the nursery on the Tardis had a special memory. The Doctor was so proud of assembling furniture and working with the Tardis to make it perfect and filled with Time Lord approved toys. Now, Rose sat in the console room while the Doctor tinkered not knowing that his daughter would be making an appearance sooner than expected. She hadn't told him as he was already nervous about the whole thing. He'd insisted on combing time and space to find a midwife he deemed appropriate. They found one on New Earth. Thankfully, after their visit to stop the cat nun experimentation ordeal. Although, Felicia was a cat nurse, Rose loved and felt very comfortable with her.

Rose felt another more pronounced pain in her back and knew it was time to get the plan rolling. "Doctor, I wanna visit Mum," she said, knowing he would whinge but she wanted her mother there when she gave birth and knowing it was up to her to make this happen.

His head popped up. "Now? Wouldn't you rather go shoppin?" he asked. He loved Rose and would do anything for her but…avoiding Jackie Tyler at all costs was his first objective, other than taking care of Rose.

"Doctor, please," Rose said pouting a bit. "I have a cravin' for her tea."

He sighed dramatically and set the coordinates, pounding on the console a little harder than necessary. "Fine, but don't expect me to go with you," he finally grumbled. Rose grinned brightly and strapped herself in with the new safety harness he had installed to keep her from tumbling and hurting herself or the baby.

When they landed she waddled up to the door. "I won't be a mo! Promise!" she said and popped out the door to find he had landed in the middle of Jackie's living room. "Mum!" she called and Jackie walked out of the kitchen and threw her arms around her.

"Rose! Look at you! You look ready to go any day now! How are you. Sweetheart?"

"Actually, I think it's time," she told Jackie and rubbed her very large baby bump.

"What! Now? And where's himself then? How could he allow you to be walkin' out here when you should be…"

"Mum," Rose interrupted. "I haven't told him yet. You have a bag ready, yeah?"

"Haven't told him!" Jackie exclaimed, outraged.

"Mum, He's a bit nervous. I told him to bring me here for tea so we could pick you up and then go to the midwife. I promise I'll tell him when we get in the Tardis."

Jackie sighed and shook her head. "Fine, I've got a bag packed for us. You sure you're all right, Sweetheart? I mean we could still go to a hospital here?"

"Mum, I'm fine and no we can't. I love my midwife and it'll be fine promise," Rose said and winced as she felt another pain.

Jackie looked at her worried and ran for the bag. Soon, both of them were walking into the Tardis. The Doctor stiffened and almost dropped his sonic when he saw Jackie walk in.

"What are you doin here?" he demanded in a cranky voice, glaring at Jackie who dropped her bag onto the grating with a thunk.

"Um Doctor, there's something I've got to tell you," Rose said, smiling softly at him.

"Rose, that had better be our clean laundry in that bag, 'cos that woman ain't livin' on _my_ _ship_!"

"I'm not coming to live forever you big alien git, just 'til Rose here gives birth. Won't be much longer now, will it? She's as big as a house." Jackie looked her daughter up and down with a scowl.

"Four more months," the Doctor muttered before he crossed his arms.

"What?" both women screeched simultaneously.

"Um, Rose, there's something I've got to tell you," he mimicked the mother of his unborn child. "You got a ways to go yet. That little lad or lady has some cooking to do still. Not ready to pop out quite yet."

"Four more months. Four… more… months!" Rose hollered, her voice echoing through the TARDIS, as if the old girl were on her side, amplifying her voice for maximum drama. But then her lower lip began to quiver, and tears began to flow. "I... just... Doctor, I don't think I can go another four more months. I'm in such a miserable state, and... and... and..." She plopped herself onto the jump seat and whimpered miserably.

"No... you're not gonna go four more months," he said with only the slightest hint of contrition. "I was tryin' to scare your mother off," mumbled the Doctor.

Rose slid off the jump seat and, waddled over, and socked him on the arm.

"Ow! Whaddya do that for?" hollered the Doctor.

"That's for telling me I had another four months of torture! You think carryin' this Time Tot around has been a walk in the park, Doctor? There've been days when I have wanted to do much more than just sock you in the arm!"

"Well what'd you think it'd be like? Did you think carrying my baby would be as simple as a stupid ape pregnancy? You're growing a complete respiratory bypass! Full toxin metabolization system! Two hearts, Rose… Not to mention the brain that's growing in that melon of hers."

"Hers?" Rose asked, suspicious. "You promised me you wouldn't tell me the sex, Doctor!"

"Or his…" the Doctor added. "Don't matter much to me. As long as little Sherlock or Agatha is healthy."

"Now hold on a minute, no grandchild of mine is going to be called Sherlock. He'd get beaten up every day at school!" Jackie said with a scowl.

"Sherlock is a fine name, dontcha think Rose?"

"I'm more partial to Lance…" Rose said a bit dreamily, gazing into the calming green of the time rotor.

"Lance." The Doctor stiffened his stance. "You want to name the first naturally born child of a Time Lord in fifteen thousand years, Lance?"

"What's wrong with Lance?" Rose whinged, cocking her hip.

"Lance is a member of a boy band. Lance is a male model. Lance is a mobile phone salesman. But you know what Lance is not? Lance is not the son of the Oncoming Storm!"

"What's wrong with male models?" Jackie screeched. "And for that matter, who you calling a stupid ape? My Rose is not a stupid ape!"

"I didn't call her a stupid ape, what I _said_ was that a pregnancy of the type she's carrying would not be as simple as a," he cleared his throat, "human pregnancy."

Jackie guffawed. "So, where you got me staying on the ship of yours anyway?" Jackie picked up her bag and held it in her hands, stalwart. "'Cos I ain't stepping one foot outta this blue box thing until it's time for Rose to deliver my granddaughter in that posh hospital in New Earth. So there."

"Granddaughter? Why'd you say Granddaughter?" Rose looked at her mother suspiciously.

"Well I ain't gonna call it 'Grandthing,'" said Jackie.

"You know, don't you? You know what I'm having. The Doctor told you, didn't he?" She turned to the Doctor and poked him in the chest. "You told my mum."

"Now Rose," he held his hands up in surrender, "you need to calm down."

"You... told... my... mum!" Her face was red with rage, and her fists were balled as she angrily stared at the Time Lord.

"Rose, you really need to calm down. You're making too much outta this tiny little thing."

"Making too much outta it, he says. HA! Forget what the _mother_ wants, it's alllll about the Gran and the Dad, ain't it? Forget the Mum!" Rose stomped away as much as a woman who is 38 and a half weeks pregnant could stomp.

"I was afraid of this." The Doctor leaned heavily on the console before he flipped a few switches and speedily took them into the vortex. "Better brace yourself Jackie, we're in for a bumpy ride."

"What you ain't telling me?" Jackie asked, with accusation.

"Your daughter has developed a case of _Gallifreyan prepartem varipsychosis_."

Jackie gasped. "Is it fatal?" she howled. "What have you done to my girl, knockin' her up with that alien sperm of yours! I knew this was gonna go wrong! I just knew it! You… you…"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "No, it ain't fatal. Pre-delivery emotional instability. One minute she'll be angry, the next, euphoric. The best treatment is to create a sense of calm and peace. That means we're gonna have to get along with each other, Jackie. I never thought I'd say this next word: truce?" The Doctor held out his hand waiting for Jackie to shake on their agreement.

Jackie dropped her bag, crossed her arms and scowled at the Doctor. "I still think there's something ya ain't tellin' me. But okay… Truce. For now." They shook hands, sealing the agreement.

Rose didn't seem interested in creating a sense of calm and peace.

The midiwfe had set up their birthing suite to perfection, right down to the lavendar aromatherapy candles and the soft, tranquil music playing in the background. The first few hours went surprisingly well. With the Doctor sitting behind her, murmuring gentle encouragements and soothing her tense muscles with well-practiced hands, Rose had wondered why people made such a fuss out of childbirth.

Very suddenly, though, it was like a switch was flipped. The contractions were growing more and more intense. One minute she couldn't stand the Doctor's hands on her, and the next she craved his touch like air. She cursed him soundly through one long, intense spell and in the next moment murmured sweet nothings as he stroked his cool fingers over her forehead.

After one such episode where Rose flat-out refused to breathe, collapsing half-spent against her pillows when the spasms had passed, Jackie finally had to say something. She'd been holding her daughter's hand for hours, trying to keep her comments to herself, but it was getting harder and harder to see Rose in so much pain.

"Can't you give her something?" she asked the Doctor. "There's got to be a pain medication she can take."

"We can't really risk it," he replied. "They don't know my physiology, and my species are sensitive to certain medications…"

"You told me you were a doctor!" Jackie cried, watching helplessly as Rose's face tensed up with another contraction. "And who else knows your fancy physiology better than you? Go mix her something up!"

The Doctor stared at her incredulously. "I've got my hands a bit full right now, Jackie."

"Oh, I'll give you full hands…"

"Please don't argue," Rose whimpered. "Doctor…"

"I know, love," he murmured, pressing his forehead against hers. "Focus on my voice…I've got you…"

Jackie watched the scene before her, a lump rising in her throat. Despite all the complaints she had about him and all the times she'd slapped him, it was clear that he loved her daughter completely. And even though they may have had a rocky start, she knew he would make a good dad to her granddaughter.

She had to blink away tears as she squeezed Rose's hand comfortingly. "You two are gonna do just fine, you hear me?"

The Doctor looked up at her and they shared a small smile. Before he could respond, the midwife, Felicia, bustled in, her furry face breaking out instantly into a kind smile that showcased her pointed rows of teeth.

"Time to check your dilation, Rose," she said pleasantly, kneeling down between the stirrups. Rose winced as she completed the exam, Felicia's grin widening.

"Well, you're fully dilated and the head is starting to descend!" she chirped happily. "I think we're ready to deliver this baby!"

"Really?" Rose perked up a bit at the news, sharing a shining grin with the Doctor. His eyes looked suspiciously moist as he cupped Rose's cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Really!" she replied. "Just another couple of hours and we'll have ourselves a lovely little human-hybrid!"

"Oh, that's a nice." Jackie rolled her eyes at the reference to her granddaughter as a "human hybrid."

"Another couple of hours?" Rose moaned.

"Billions of years later and we still haven't figured out a way to make things easier, eh?" Jackie asked. "Still doing things the old-fashioned way."

"Why mess with perfection?" the Doctor asked, shrugging his shoulders and suddenly wincing as Rose gripped his hand with the beginning of another contraction.

"You call this bloody _perfection?_" she screeched.

One hour and twenty-seven minutes of pushing later, and the Doctor couldn't believe his eyes. Lying contentedly in her mother's arms, little As-Yet-Unnamed was a gorgeous, incredible little miracle wrapped up in soft pink blankets. Rose was sobbing, great happy tears as she gazed down at their _daughter._

The word itself was enough to bring him to his knees, had he not already been seated. Instead, he settled for wrapping an arm around his glorious, brave, strong Rose and gazed at the tiny, delicate bundle she held in her arms.

He had a family again. He had a wife (in everything but on paper…certainly her mother had enough to say about _that…_), a mad mother-in-law that he begrudgingly respected (she'd slipped out discreetly, giving the new little family some private time. The Doctor appreciated this more than he would ever admit to her face), a sort-of-adopted former Time Agent/Con Artist brother/brother-in-lawand a _daughter_…a daughter with a soft tuft of dark hair and intelligent blue eyes that were taking in her surroundings with a sort of resigned indifference. It was as if she were saying, "Well, this is my life now. May as well get used to it."

He vowed, from that day forward, to fill his daughter's eyes with joy and awe. He would show her all the wonders of the universe, and would fill her life with all the love and laughter he'd never had as a child.

"She's…she's…" Rose managed to choke out through her happy, gasping sobs.

"I know," he murmured, pressing a kiss against his daughter's forehead. "Hello, little one," he cooed gently. "I'm your daddy…"

"And I'm your mummy," Rose continued. "And wait until you meet your uncle Jack…"

"You are never meeting uncle Jack." the Doctor said in a warning voice. "Uncle Jack is a bad influence…"

Rose sighed, though still had a ridiculous smile plastered to her face, one that the Doctor feared was a mirror to his own. "We still have to name her…"

"I'm still partial to Agatha…"

Rose giggled. "We can call her Aggie…"

The Doctor grimaced. "Never mind."

"We could name her after my mum…?"

"I know you're delirious from ten hours of labor, so I'm gonna let that one slide…"

"Oh, fine," Rose grinned, her tongue caught between her teeth. "Harriet? For Harriet Jones?"

"Give the girl a medal, I think we've done it," he grinned at her and pressed a kiss against her hair. "Off to a fine start, little Harriet."

"I love you," Rose suddenly blurted out, her eyes wet with tears. She chuckled and reached up to dab her eyes once again with a tissue. "Sorry, these bloody hormones…making me all kinds of crazy…"

"Rose Tyler," he began, tilting her chin up so she could meet his gaze. "I love you…"

Rose smiled softly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He pressed his lips to hers, relishing in her happy little sigh before turning their attentions towards little Harriet. "I never thought it could be like this…"

"What?"

"Life…"

"Oh, yeah?" Rose teased gently. "And how exactly is life?"

The Doctor was sure his grin was wide enough to be seen from space. He gathered the two most precious things in his entire existence into his arms and sighed, feeling a wave of contentment wash through him for the first time since the war.

"Fantastic."


End file.
